THE DISSENTIENT SHADOW GODDESS

 Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.   - Vicki Corona  Time management and time itself have been on my mind quite a lot lately. How to decide to use your time, with whom you decide to spend it, will at the end of the day define who you are and who you choose to become. It is highly common for neurodivergent folks to struggle with time management and awareness in the general sense of the term. We are also constanly struggling with the feeling of overwhelm.  It is important to take time for actual rest and relaxation and to not constantly be going and going. There is an actual difference between being in an actual state of being and feeling frozen as a response from one's nervous system and enjoying rest and relaxation. The "moments that take our breath away", part does not have to be grandiose. It can be as simple as admiring a beautiful sunset or having a pleasurable brunch with people you actually enjoy the...

 Since I was a little child, I felt as if butterflies and birds were my friends. They represented the freedom and expansion my soul secretly craved for. My wings were hidden.  As an adult, I carved. Now I am as free as a butterfly, free of the shakles of mankind's narrow minded perception on life and death, creation and decay. I paid the price, walked the walk, embraced the fire but it was irrefutably worth it. The transformation was long, solitary and painful. The gods are harsh but generous and their wisdom immesurable. The expansion they offer is simply put grandiose and satiating to a grateful soul. In greek mythology, the butterfly is commonly associated to the soul and the magnificient and intriging goddess Psyche. It emphasizes the concept that we go through so many inner transformations throughout our life cycles. Some are noticed on the outside, others are buried deep down. I also like to reflect on how the only permanent thing is impermanence.  In Irish folklore...

 “Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning how to dance in the rain.” Vivian Greene Rain has an immense spirtual symbolism and importance in various cultures and in countless eras. Rain can be seen as a blessing or as a curse.  In Genesis 6 to 9, the god of the bible uses flood as a means of punishment and cleansing as the heart of men became too corupt. Only Noah and his family were deemed righteous enough to survive and repopulate. In this case it is about deep cleansing. Rain and flood are used to demonstrate the immense power of mother nature and how we are at her mercy. It reminds us of our mortality.  In other circumstances rain is associated to fertility and healing. The south Indian Goddess Mariamman is such an example. In tamil folk worship she is linked to fertility, the rain and health. The great mother  is called upon  to bless humans with regular rains, accord harvests, and heal vastly spreadable health conditions, for exa...

 This one is for every perfectionist and workaholic out there. Do you attend to your needs or do you just keep on going? We live in a world where being tough is praised and people cringe when we demonstrate basic human emotions. The capitalistic greed expects us to keep going despite oldage, fatigue, burnout, child birth and sickness. We are figuratively and literally completely dried out by the lifestyle we run and the hidden cost that comes with it. Guess how many times I forgot to eat for entire days and then at night I could not figure out why I wasn't able to fall into morphe's arms or why I was so desperately cranky. Why you ask ? Because I was busy working. The truth about work is it will never stop. There will always be a new project or an amplification or a correction to an already existing one. Then we wonder why so many individuals end up with stomach issues. The truth is we need to listen to our body. Sleep and food are basic human needs that we tend to neglect unfo...

 There is the stereotype of tortured artists going around. Some are addicted to drugs, alcohol, weed or sex. I could reference the movie "Addicted" with Sharon Leal as an example. Then there are those addicted to pain and destruction. To be honest, it isn't a different kind of addiction but rather a subset of the others. When pain becomes a drug and suffering a habit. How can life be reconstructed and creativity maintained?  For the majority of my life,I only knew pain. That was the most stable thing in my life and it became an integral part of my identity. It heavily fueled my work and my creativity. Pain colored my lenses, guiding my vision.  Now at a turning point of my life, I am hitting a dry spot in my artistic journey because I was successfully able to heal parts of myself, the broken parts mainly. Praise be to the Goddesses for their immesurably gracious assistance. Similarly to a newborn child, I am learning to view and understand the world again. My creativity f...

 "You are the sky. Everything else is just weather"  Pema Chödrön Self focus is a key component of self growth. How does self neglect interfere with it then? Mostly when you are in a state of freeze.  Being "frozen" not the movie; can be caused by feeling helpless or stuck in a situation. It can also be caused by overwhelm or too much responsibilities. It is when everything is too much for a single person to handle.  How to see the beautiful blue sky when all you see are grey clouds? May I ask ? Psychology then advises patients to take small steps. Doing one thing is better than doing nothing. One step at a time. Drop the all or nothing attitude. What when you are expected to provide everything? And you cannot give yourself one thing, self care?  JH 

 It's time to start living the life you've imagined.   - Henry James  Very few people dare; dare to try dare to disrupt the routine or status quo. Today's message is about daring to live the life you imagined to the fullest. "Oh! I will do it later." When you ask? When the kids will be older. When I will be retired. When I will lose weight. When I will have a life partner. When I will have a better job. When chicks will do backflips. We make so many excuses instead of stepping out of our comfort zone. It does not have to be drastic but rather it has to be gradual. You want to start a personal very cozy garden. Start by learning, buying 2 pots and just one type of seeds. If it does not work out, well try again. We live in an extremely critical world, where our dos and don'ts are harshly scrutinized and autopsied. Social comformity and acceptation bring status and an illusion of safety. Many times social media has been blamed for instilling a deeply rooted fear ...

Do you know your value or do you let other people decide on it ? As many entrepreneurs out there, deciding or asking for your worth can be a gruesome and delicate process. People try to negotiate or belittle you instead of rewarding you for your time. "Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth." — Zig Ziglar It is when knowing your worth comes at play. Will you settle for less or will you stand your ground? What about all the hours you spent honing your skill set, learning new ones and perfectioning old ones. What about all this time and resources invested ? Doesn't it count?  Everytime you decided to keep going when it was so though. All the late nights, spoiled materials. Time missed with friends and family. Money invested. Nay sayers and the ridicule you endured. Isn't it worth it ?  My advice to you is to stand your ground. Dare to innovate, dare to captivate. Dare to create. Your worth is inestimable. Dissentiently yours, ...

 "The soul that gives thanks can find comfort in everything"  Hannah Whitall Smith It is about the theory of the glass half full and half empty. Today, this will be about survival. Gratitude can be a free and precious tool to survive and to grow. It tremendously helps the mental health as well as the social health in infinte ways. After all you are the source and you are one with source.  Why focus on the hardship when all I can see is the survival, the strength and the resilience. The sheer display of inner power to subdue all these obstacles. The courage to stand up for yourself despite setbacks. All some see is pain, despair and failure. I see perseverance. Going for it despite no one being there to cheer you up. That is the power of a soul who finds comfort in everything.  You found comfort in youself and this is the 1st and most important step. JH.

 And remember, no matter where you go, there you are.   - Anonymous  I am someone who believes in divine timing. I also believe that everything will work out for me for the very best. I also believe in making mistakes, learning from them and hence adjusting.  I also root for making the most of what you have. I believe in the power of gratitude and also self gratitude. Thanking your higher self for the guidance and for the experiences.  I would like to point out certain aspects and put a little disclaimer. This is general and pertaining to my life experience and I am not trying to justify abuse or loss saying it is sent by your higher self. People are evil and death happens. Throughout my life journey, I have experienced what some may call divine alignment, the ultimate flow or when things just seem right, mostly when I listen to my gut and strategize.  I can confirm that deep in my soul, I am where I am meant to be and heading towards the right destina...

 In cognitive therapy, it is called reframing. In the spiritual millieu we say shifting from your lower self to your higher self. What is it really about then? From a personal standpoint, changing my perspective on various interactions and events aided me in feeling better about myself and about others. You stop stonewalling and ruminating. Like for many of us, social interactions is quite a delicate topic. Yesterday I was cogitating about spatial/relationship awareness and how neurodivergent people tend to seem cold or indifferent. I am no different. I suck at socializing even with blood relatives. No, everyone does not hate you. At the very least they do not understand you. Gosh, my own mother does not understand me, how can others. Yes you will face bullies and haters and scapegoating in a dysfunctionnal setting. But most people are just too busy minding their own business and wiping their own ass.  Detachment was the final step in my process of reframing. Sometimes when pe...

 Today, for the first time in years I grieve loudly. I grieve my dad. Been years since he passed.  Today as a death priestess/death doula, my perspective on my grieving process drastically changed. I concluded that mourning can be delayed, complicated, multilayered or complex and for me a solitary process.  Having been too strong for too long, I now view help and commiseration as an offence, a sign of pity, or as an attack. I view help as a con move. To mourn someone can make one feel deeply vulnerable.  From a young age, I knew I would be losing my dad early, he was old and sick. God knows how much I resented him for that. It was easier to be mad at him than to show him love. I preferred to expect his departure and detach myself than to get too close to him. Getting too close would hurt excruciatingly. Today whenever I look into a mirror I see him. My life choices and opportunities, my flaws and my little habits are all a reflection of him. It as if by giving me his...

 Heal the past, live the present, dream the future.   - Mary Engelbreit  I've been hearing a lot lately: "do not let your past define you". To some extent, your past defines you but it does not have to stop you from being happy. I am all about healing. It can be quite an addicting process and a pitfall too at times. As multi layered as pain can be, we must be careful not to be continually disastisfied and constantly finding flaws with us instead of embracing the progress. Still I enjoy improving  myself and making my diurnal life as painfree as possible.  When considering the present, why not enjoy gratitude and mindfulness?  When trying to overcome my anxiety, there is an exercise where you have to either state things you are grateful for instead of spiraling or identifying things with your senses. Not to forget breathing and havening practices. Yeah, when you alchemize the past, the present becomes more enjoyable for sure.  The future is some so...

 Whilst doing one of my favorite somatic practice, an intense pain arose in my chest. A heavy burden on my heart center. As someone who works as a comprehensive healer and someone who is actively working on her own demons, these types are symptoms are your allies not your enemies.  I've came to realise that I was grieving the fact that I was never validated or heard, both growing up and throughout life. I always managed on my own and I know I am not the only one dealing things in a similar manner.  Being very proactive, I have always hated  been a victim. I always take charge and fix shit. I am pretty good at that to be honest. But one thing remains for sure is that the body keeps score. I keep on wanting to cry or to remove my heart from my chest. But it is like there is a block. The truth is I tend to downplay the whole trauma thing. To be utterly transparent, now that I am writing all this, I am judging myself strong. Quit complaining a little voice keeps telling ...

 All of our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.   - Walt Disney As a pisces baddie (for all my astrology geeks out there) , dreaming is my domain of expertise.  Dreaming helped me extirpate myself out of  and navigate intensely tricky situations. It kept me going no matter what.  To be more specific, I describe it as strategic and indepth future mapping. I day dream the f out of my projects and when I work it out, things just flow into place even  to the smallest detail. When I was at my lowest, dreaming allowed me to  tune out the darkness and the ugliness of the situation at hand. It was a practical and safe means for me to stay positive. Since no one knew what I was cogitating about, no one had the power of robbing it away from me. Don't allow others to shatter your dreams.  Some compare dreaming to  a psychological problem, In my case, it aided in maintaining my sanity. I choose to view it as a coping mechani...

 There are days when despite our efforts to stay positive, we get suck into worry and anticipation. There is this  image of a man, digging for diamonds, just turning away when he was so close to obtaining what he worked hard for. He allowed discouragement to overpower his will.  We all have days like this. Just hang on. To be utterly honest, the advice is for me and for you. Sometimes it is easier to be dreadful and bracing for dissapointment instead of expecting miracles. The sun rising is a miracle. A child being born is a miracle. You standing up after so many blows is a miracle. Life itself is a miracle. Always expect the best of life. Afterall optimism is good for mental and immune health.  Two cards that keep popping up in my readings are the knight of wands and the sun. It is all about enthusiam and optimism. I might add "kick-ass-ism".  I leave you with this quote by Zig Ziglar: "Push on, friend. You're just one exciting step from the banquet hall of lif...

 Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.   - George Bernard Shaw  Believing in the fact that each of us has the power to change our circumstances and reality using our thoughts is a comforting idea for me. I absolutely despise feeling helpless. When considering the now popular idea of self concept, we can create ourselves, master the higher version of who we are truly meant to be and unlock our full potential in this lifetime. Still based on my personal experience, all this positive thinking rhetoric must be handled with care and a certain preparatory work preceeding the full initiatory phase. What about properly grieving and healing. For me majority of my life has been spent losing and grieving. First you grieve the people you loved, then you grieve what they never gave you, what you never told them, you grieve things you lost, due to your lack of "audace" or what people mercilessly took from you.  It starts with being too shocked to...

 I tend to associate the divine and the mundane to death and life respectively.  There is the unseen and the tangible.  This libra full moon calls us to find balance. Balance between the past and the future. My own interpretation is that we are half way there. Yet some of us do not see the finish line yet. But we are almost there. Many of us, have been working really hard for the past months if not years. More than once we have been tempted to quit. But a little voice inside us encouraged us to keep going. That little voice was right.  Some may come at me, asking me how I know all of this. My answer is I choose to believe that these things are true, that my success is assured. It is not wishful thinking.  The difference? I found my balance between the divine and the mundane. I visualised, I crafted and I worked my ass off for years. I also choose to relate to others. I know for a fact that I am not alone on this path. I relate to others. That is my choice and I ...