THE DISSENTIENT SHADOW GODDESS

 Let's get personal here. This morning, I had the uttermost pleasure of being woken up by birds gleefully gossiping next to my window. I felt grateful to be alive, happy that I did not quit a while ago. Death gave me a purpose. When I asked to be taken, a gift was given to me. A purpose was bestowed upon me. The truth is that in the darkest and most terrible hours of my incarnation, when I was at rock bottom, I found myself. Being trapped with my own chains and my own shadows forced me to embrace my truth. A truth that was not always pleasant and heavily repressed for quite some time now. The whole experience was excruciating yet liberating.  Yesterday, whilst lost in thoughts, a realisation struck me. I did not need all that healing but rather a remembering. I became what I was told is forbidden. Yet I feel whole and fulfilled. I asked myself if my personality was not an act of rebellion towards the system that raised me. But now I know I am the "I Am" I was meant to be....

 One of the most hurtful insults you can bestow on somehow is calling them a hypocrite. At least it is true in my book. But what if I am the biggest liar, coward and hypocrite there is? I have been asking myself lately where my loyalty lies and whether or not I was doing what I preach. Whether I was self betraying and self sabotaging. Was I true to myself or my higher purpose? Was I sincerely catering to my innerchild? Was I fixing the issues from the root or just patching up things superficially? The path of healing is a complex one as numerous issues are interwoven into an intricate and multi layered pattern. Sometimes I wait to be healed to start an enterprise. Sadly I realise that once part of the healing is done, another part arises and I cowardly choose to wait and postpone some more. I get more and more frustrated and I feel stuck. Anger can serve as a meaningful indicator that change and clearance are long due. Sometimes we have to clear the isle of our lives and of our sub...

 Are you worthy? Worthy of romantic love, or familial love, or of being alive itself ?  When I think about Thor's hammer and Excalibur's sword, I think about worthiness. Do you have to be special to be worthy, to have some accurate and rare skill? Do one have to perform in a certain way? Is worthiness tied to how others view you? Or is worthiness in the mind singurlarly? When Thor was facing (for the countless time) his brother Loki (from the avengers), the trickster god made his brother lose access to Mjoni. He planted the seeds of doubt and self loathing in the mind of the god of thunder.  He caused him to question if he was worthy or not. And this peticular scene probed me to ponder about how much human's social interactions crucially affect an individual's sense of worth.  When we are kids, it is our parents who condition us to be self confident, through praise and criticism. They shape you. But what if you are left to fend for yourself? Is worthiness conditional...

 When the judgement call is heard, what should we do? How to react? Are we prepared? I am actually taking the approach of a mystic/ spiritualist whilst writing this publication today and I am referring to the tarot card of the judgement here. Tarot, like mantras and breathwork is a tool. A tool for clairity and focus. It is acts like a magnifying glass on very specific parts of our lives and inner self. Some find it helpful  others do not. It is a matter of personal perspective and choice. This tarot card carefully depicts the sacred archangel Gabriel blowing a trumpet and people from very different stages of life looking up to them. The first element to highlight is that it acts as a much needed wake up call.  It calls the querent to wake up to their truth, their truest personal power. It invites the querent to face their fears, first the fear of the self through intense self reflection and self awareness. It calls us to take our strength back. Back from past conflicts, ...

 "A year from now you may wish you had started today."— Karen Lamb One message that reccurs to my ear quite often from my guides is to do it scared. Being scared of what? Or of who? One may ask. For many individuals perfectionism and anxiety are our worst enemies in this life. Do not read me wrong, there is nothing bad about wanting to be well versed in a specific area before leaping but experience still comes from practice and also from failing. Anxiety is just your brain trying to keep you safe. At least that is what I have been told. You must thank it and then releave it of its duty not hate it. Sometimes we are more scared of being seen, of success and the change that comes with it than failure itself.  When working on something and building a habit or skill, consistency is key. Like when you want to learn a new language, doing 3 hours a day is not a requirement, just a few minutes a day on a consistent basis will do. Even if you are not good at it. Keep the work up. ...

 What about trust ? What about us ? Lol So yes what about trust? Really? Life is not always about the good, the happiness and the high, sometimes, we have to face the storm, take the narrow and thorny path. We also have to keep walking despite of the fog or the timidity of the sun.  Once you worked the land and planted the seed, you have to trust that the plants will grow. It is all about trust. About trusting the process, trusting in the higher power, trusting yourself and trust being a process in itself.  Usually trust is accompanied with surrender, when we have given our best in regards to a situation, we have to surrender. One cannot mercilessly and unproductively continue to beat oneself. The tarot card of the hanged man comes to mind. Even if the waiting period is quite uncomfortable and uncertain. We got to keep on waiting and expecting the best outcome possible, be irritatingly optimistic. Whenever an unfavorable odd presents itself on your way, laugh at its face....