Master manifestor

 Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. 

 - George Bernard Shaw 

Believing in the fact that each of us has the power to change our circumstances and reality using our thoughts is a comforting idea for me. I absolutely despise feeling helpless.

When considering the now popular idea of self concept, we can create ourselves, master the higher version of who we are truly meant to be and unlock our full potential in this lifetime.

Still based on my personal experience, all this positive thinking rhetoric must be handled with care and a certain preparatory work preceeding the full initiatory phase. What about properly grieving and healing.

For me majority of my life has been spent losing and grieving. First you grieve the people you loved, then you grieve what they never gave you, what you never told them, you grieve things you lost, due to your lack of "audace" or what people mercilessly took from you. 

It starts with being too shocked to even react when you realise things.   Then there is denial. No it did not happen. It was just a bad dream or a big misunderstanding. 

What about guilt, that old friend, so disgusting yet attaching. You feel guilting for not standing up for youself , for not knowing better, for hitting the inappropriate targets, for not doing enough for the people you loved, for yourself.

 The bargaining starts. You try to minimise or attempt at repairing .It was not that bad. I did not know better. They did not understand what they were actually doing. Lets' give them another chance.

Then the angry gremlin, terrible soul consuming monster comes out, mostly at night, when all is quiet and you are alone with your own self. You feel like punching yourself and constantly punishing yourself and you resent others at times too.

The next meal is heavy distrust, with a spoonful of loneliness and a zest of paranoia. You find safety by being by yourself. Afterall everyone has hidden agendas and is a self serving traitor. Animals, your inner child and nature become your best friends. At least you experience a form of peace. You start seeing the light.

Creating the life you want and not actually finding yourself comes with the last stages of acceptance and reconstruction. You first have to unlearn the pain, the guilt, the confusion and the helplessness.

This is where the rainbow of re- creation starts. Goodluck fellas.