The weight of grief and pain

 Whilst doing one of my favorite somatic practice, an intense pain arose in my chest. A heavy burden on my heart center.

As someone who works as a comprehensive healer and someone who is actively working on her own demons, these types are symptoms are your allies not your enemies. 

I've came to realise that I was grieving the fact that I was never validated or heard, both growing up and throughout life. I always managed on my own and I know I am not the only one dealing things in a similar manner. 

Being very proactive, I have always hated  been a victim. I always take charge and fix shit. I am pretty good at that to be honest. But one thing remains for sure is that the body keeps score.

I keep on wanting to cry or to remove my heart from my chest. But it is like there is a block. The truth is I tend to downplay the whole trauma thing. To be utterly transparent, now that I am writing all this, I am judging myself strong. Quit complaining a little voice keeps telling me. 

When my guides warned me that this week would be conflictual, I did not realise that the conflict would be internal and so oppressing.

JH

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