THE DISSENTIENT SHADOW GODDESS

  Psychiatry tells us that rumination is more or less the act of repetitive thinking or dwelling on unfavorable feelings and distress. Let's add a spiritual twist to it. Whilst chanelling, I was told to stop ruminating as it would spiral and spike my already overwhelming anxiety . I intensely dislike when people invalidate my pain and experiences that shaped the latter, so I won't do it here. I am not telling you to simply move on and let it go or stop being a crybaby. Quite the opposite, feel it, express it if need be. If you can alchemize it or grow from it much better. But what I am highlighting here is that since your thoughts create your reality , negative thoughts can impact your reality negatively and like a vicious cycle one keeps feeding the other. The advice that was given to me and that I am humbling recommending you is to try to replace said negative emotions and experiences by positive one. Try recreating positive interactions to rewire your beautiful brain ....

 The choice of words for this title can be seen as quite harsh. I concede. But unfortunately, reality itself is really harsh. When one is stretched way too thin, nobody sees, nobody hears, nobody seems to even try to understand. To be able to save my own a$s, I had to resort to various highly destructive strategies, because, believe it or not, the politically correct ones were not as effective as primarily presumed.  What angers me to this day is the lack of accountability about the pain bestowed on me younger self. Why should I still care are you asking? You are healed, your life is fine! "Cállate la boca!" Suck it up b!tch! Stop complaining and serve us some more!  The b!atch is tired. She reached her limits a long time ago. Whenever I say that mental health f*cking matters, I mean it with every fiber of my imperfect and wounded being. One can argue that, like countless others, I have been silently too strong for too long. But let me tell you, that those who suffer in s...

 Do we really know who we are or do we accept the image that others impose unto us. Being extremely introverted, people tend to put meaning onto my actions and force words into my mouth. This has been a very upsetting and frustrating experience throughout my life, mainly enforced by those from my close circle. It is a feeling of being trapped in your own life and then you don't have a say about what meaning is attached to your actions or silences. It feels like attempting to yell, yet no sound comes out. The frustration keeps on growing bigger and bigger, like a self expanding, ever growing monster within your own soul. Whenever I try to put up boundaries, I am meant with a passive aggressive response. Help, reassurance or uplifting are no where to be found, only alienation and solitude, purposefully imposed on you to break you. It hurts.

  Rarrisime petite fleur Tu t'es fanée Tes pétales si délicates ont été piétinées Ton épanouissement fut injustement et inutilement abrégé Petite fleur nous a quitté Porteuse de joie et bonheur Petite fleur ne nous sourira plus jamais Avec son regard lumineux et son minois angélique Nou tifi, Précieux trésor, Ene ti Perle Peregrina, rare et immaculée Tu te démarqueras toujours par ta beauté Et ton aménité Ta force silencieuse sera à tout jamais admirée Petite fleur s'en est allée D'une manière bien trop précipitée En cette réalité, je refuse de m'encrer Petite fleur ta vie s'est arretée Une vie qui ne faisait que commencer Petite fleur est elle tourmentée? Qu'en est il de cet inestimable cadeau de Dieu qu'elle a été forcée de laisser? Vie gachée, Trop tôt écourtée Destin figé Jeunesse volée Tous tes projets restent inachevés Tu voulais encore subsister En mon fond je le sais Mes petites fleurs si éprouvées Je vous voulais heureuse...

Be happy and be free! Finding contentment in the smallest things in life can bring tremendous happiness. Being grateful about being alive and breathing fresh air. Being grateful for the gift of sight and the colorful and astonishing palette of nature. To be able to be content with simplicity in itself is exhilarating to the heart. After having contemplated the prospect of a personalised expedited departure for so long, even being alive and able to feel joy in my heart is a miracle. To be absolutely sincere, dearest reader, I was so accustomed to experiencing sorrow that being serene and joyous feels deeply uncomfortable to me. I am constantly questioning meself:  "Is there something wrong with me? Oh no! I am just happy!"  My wish for you is contentment and happiness! Enjoy life with a zest!

Malgré l'accumulation et le fracas des années nous gardons tous en nous notre âme d'enfant.  Pour certain il s'agit d'un enfant jovial et farceur, pour d'autres, traumatisé ou complètement apeuré. Tout dépend de l'environnement qui nous a emmailloté lors de nos premiers instants.  Aujourd'hui, je vous invite à considérer cet enfant, cette version plus jeune et plus innocente de vous. Pour ceux qui ont donné la vie, l'Univers a tendance à projeter l'image de notre enfant intérieur sur nos mioches.  Faites-vous plaisir à cet enfant qui vit toujours en vous comme vous l'auriez fait pour votre progéniture? Jouer-vous avec lui ou elle? Prenez-vous le temps de rigoler, de gambader,de vous amuser ou de rêvasser? Faites-vous des bétises sans conséquences pour satisfaire votre curiosité ou êtes vous obnubilé par le perfectionnisme et le bien-paraître? Prenez-vous le temps de vous émerveiller devant les babioles de la vie ou êtes-vous trop accabler par les...

Generally speaking, human interactions are complicated to manage in day to day life settings.  We are all built differently, we grow up in diverse environments and have varying beliefs and dreams. Human relationships can be even more challenging if emotional vampirism the lack of reciprocity ensue. There is a special genre of people that only take from you emotionally and spiritually but don't ever or rarely reciprocate when you crucially crave it the most. They take your warmth, your attention, your solicitude and your sympathy, outsourcing gluttonously from your generosity, from your empathy, from your sensitive and sensible nature. They become dependent, at extremes even addicted.  You are their ever lasting well of emotional regeneration, a well where they choose to piss and drink simultaneously. The first problem arises when YOU start asking for reciprocity. I had instances where random fights would coincidentally erupt and magically be solved once I am out of muddy water...

In this day and age, many tend to not differenciate between the concepts of confidence and arrogance. Unfortunately, I have met many who had the whole world against them, continuously brainwashing them to see themselves as worthless pieces of shit, and when they showed a well earned success in  life, they were consequently labelled arrogant. The world was adamant about how these individuals should be kept humbled at all times.  Who were the ones really arrogant? Who were the ones really feeling worthless deep down to their cores? Why do you need to drag someone in the mud to feel worthy? When adults adopt these behaviours towards children, it makes my stomach churn! How pathetic!  Whenever someone tries to humble you because you need it(according their twisted and rotten minds), please, remember how lowly they think of themselves. This is a testament of their own value to their own eyes. They are trying to bring you down to their level.  Dear Divine Soul, remember yo...

 When the weight of responsibilities has been crushing you since a very young age, stress and worry become an integral part of your diurnal regimen. Even rest and relaxation seem alien concepts to you. My card of the day is the 2 of pentacles, where you envision someone trying to  find their balance. The card shows us someone juggling and please pay attention to the tormented sea at the back. Emotional healing and regulation happen daily, when you don't take time to sort out the chaos in your mind, emotional waste will clog your spiritual pipes. The infinity sign and the 2 pentacles show us the cyclical nature of life and that every thing is connected. When the mind is overwhelmed, one cannot see clearly. If you walk with a pile of boxes in your hands, blocking your vision, will you see where you are going or simply stumble and fall or even hurt yourself?  So dear reader, put the boxes down, take a deep breath and even do a good stretch, you deserve it.