Alone in a crowd of blind people

 Growing up, aloneness was routinal for me. There was so much pain, distress and confusion in my young and tender soul that I had to confront solo.

How can one feel so alone when surrounded by so many people? I always ask myself were they all blind? I always and still feel like an outsider, like an outcast, like a nuisance. I feel like an abnormality in their beautiful picture.

Whenever I want clarifications on certain situations, the reply I get is "I did not know back then" or "we were not aware", "you were too quiet", "you always keep to yourself". Yet when my help is needed, my existence is noticed. 

"Ignorance is bliss". Why is that so ? Because through ignorance you magically escape accountability. They were too busy praying  god to see or to notice. I bet you they noticed things were wrong. They just did not want the hassle of dealing with anything that doesn't include public recognition.

"Girl, you are so busy! You ain't got time for nobody these days."

Hell yes! I am busy. I am busy picking up the pieces of myself whilst you make a spectacle of my pain. 

At a very young age, I realised that the numerous dramas that filled my life were a source of entertainment for some people who claimed to care. They have that weird look when they listen to you, like vultures and other predators. Their eyes glisten. There is a strange spark in them. Whenever I am near these individuals, I instinctively get nauseous. 

Well!

JH

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